Friday, May 29, 2015

Who will love me for me? - prison of Autism

Sip of strong coffee (hot, bitter and with a drop of delact milk of course!), work emails read and replied to, reports checked, kids fed and dressed.   Jambalaya telling me she may throw up - that's what every parent working from home wants to hear, knowing there's so many things pending on the business side... Yup, she was right :( Poor baby girl must have eaten something bad last night. At least Booboo is all ready and happy.  Much calmer after just one day of Valerianaheel drops - praise God for homeopathy :)
Since it looks like my chatterbox stays home with me today, I need to play some calming music to keep me sane :) Yes, it is unlikely but I promise I will try...

Awww... "What love really means" by JJ Heller  (<-- link to the song)... Man,this song has so many layers. It made me think of all the people I care about that are desperately willing to be loved for who they are. Big gulp tightening my throat as emotions flood through me and tears start flowing down my face... This song has been such a blessing to me and really made me re-think how I treat Michael. God has given me some additional verses to this song to make me realize how Mikey feels... and how desperately he needs our love - not for what he's done or what he will become but for who he is. The way Jesus sees and loves him. Unconditionally... He doesn't have to be a preacher or a doctor or even a football/ baseball player. God made him perfect and has a purpose for his life WITH autism. Perhaps God will heal our boy and puts autism in remission like He did with so many other kids and adults on the spectrum... If yes, it would be wonderful, if not... we will keep on trusting Him and His perfect plan.

I love you Mikey...





Prison of Autism




He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story
No one would believe
He prays every night
"Dear God won't you please
Could you send someone here
Who will love me?"



Who will love me for me

Not for what I have done

Or what I will become

Who will love me for me

'Cause nobody has shown me what love

What love really means



He wished he could speak to express all his thoughts,
all desires, all dreams, even what was wrong...
He cries every day feeling misunderstood:
"Dear God, make them realize
I would if I could!!!"



Who will love me for me

Not for what I have done

Or what I will become

Who will love me for me

'Cause nobody has shown me what love

What love really means



He’s trying so hard to control all the things
“They’re so easy for them, then why not for me?”
He hears all the sounds even louder than them
But they judge and they mock when he’s overwhelmed…



Who will love him for him

Not for what he has done

Or what he will become

Who will love him for him

'Cause nobody has shown him what love

What love really means



He screams when he hurts, When the pain is too much
He thinks “God, won’t you please, make everything alright?”
He looks at the kids – they’re so happy and free
And yet he is in jail of his own disease…


Who will love me for me

Not for what I have done

Or what I will become

Who will love me for me

'Cause nobody has shown me what love

What love really means



And when night gets dark and his day almost done
He looks up, he looks down, he looks all around…
He sees his dear mom and his dad all apart
“Maybe if I wasn’t here, they would be alright?”


Who will love me for me

Not for what I have done

Or what I will become

Who will love me for me

'Cause nobody has shown me what love

What love really means



One day God looked down and He smiled seeing him
He was running around laughing, chasing the unseen
He stopped little boy and looked deep in his eyes
Then kissed him and told him "son, you'll be alright"



And He said “I will love you for you

Not for what you have done or what you will become

I will love you for you

I will show you what love

What love really means

 ......
I'm finding myself at a loss of words. Can't wait to run to my boy and give him the biggest hug ever  and tell him how much he is loved and what a blessing he's been in our lives! 
Mikey and the sea - liberating calm in overwhelming world of Autism


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