Not more than you can handle

April 11, 2013 Not more than you can handle 

Crazy Thursday… How is it that kids seem to have 2 (or more) personalities? They can be angels at school and cheeky creatures at home.  That’s common with all kids, not only the ones on the spectrum. But “our” kids come up with the most bizarre ways of trying to get our attention, don’t they! “Why don’t we grab something valuable and make parents chase us! To spice things up, let’s flush it in the toilet before they catch us and see their veins pop! “

Today my iPhone ended up in the toilet AGAIN! A few months back I lost my other 2 smartphones (submerged in a hot coffee and tea) and Mark’s iPhone was tragically boiled in a hot car after being previously flushed in the toilet. We lost the count how many devices had been destroyed already.  We could easily lose our temper (which we did the first few times) and teach Michael a lesson by old fashioned spanking and scolding or making him realize he did something wrong. As we stroll along this autism road we learn to handle situations in a different way. We know scolding and spanking may work short term but then it becomes some kind of weird reinforcement - he identifies his naughty behaviors with getting our attention, even if it means spanking or being put for timeout. It is still new to us, so we try to apply what we learn on daily basis. Although I got attached to my iPhone and seeing it in the toilet hurt a lot, I did my best not to show any emotions. I could tell he was disappointed I didn’t freak out like I’d normally do in such circumstances. But I am almost positive that because of the way we reacted this evening, he won’t be interested in doing it again (fingers crossed!!!). He will try to find other ways, hopefully not involving any expensive equipment in our house, to get some attention – he already knows that being an affectionate charmer works.

I also know that having a daily schedule helps to keep calm – we’re still working on it. But I guess I need one for myself even more to keep me organized.  It’s hard to be an Autism parent when you have to work (often overtime) and having other responsibilities and obligations at the same time. We try to spend every free moment with our kids – breakfast and our time on the way to school, then lunchtime and evenings.  Is it always productive time? Not at all but surely it is precious. Michael knows his “routine” with us. He knows to expect the unexpected – he is as crazy as we are after all… Would I want him to be “healed” from autism? Sure, without a doubt! That’s why we’re trying to do whatever humanly possible to help our boy (from biomedical treatment, through ABA therapies and daily prayers). But if God’s will for Michael is to never speak we will accept it. Because we know our Father knows what’s best for us. It’s like our earthly parents and kids… A kid is asking and begging to let him eat a bag of candies before dinner. Would a good parent answer kid’s plea the way he was expecting it to be answered? Of course not!  A loving parent would want his child to get the solid nutrients from dinner first and then a small portion of candy for desert, right? How much more our Heavenly Father wants our best? And yes, sometimes it may seem like He doesn’t hear our prayers as we don’t see things happen the way we’d want them to happen but I know for sure He is looking down in love and answering our prayers in a way that would benefit us a lot more, according to His divine will. I choose to believe that since He is my creator, my God, my Father in Heaven and my best friend, He will send me trials that His Grace can cover.

I had a very good talk with a friend who reminded me of a great wisdom he heard from his father: “God is giving tough situations to deal with just to those He believes can manage them”.  Basically the Lord knows what we are made of and how much we can take… In a way I do feel privileged God entrusted me with a precious soul of Mikey Joe. I pray not to fail His trust or Mikey’s for that matter.